Due to having insomnia I love many webpages as a source of amusement and something when my A.D.D. kicks in. As I know there are others out there, I am sharing. Enjoy!
News-
Fark
A UK website that has great news as its not as biased as ours
The Daily Mail
Everything else-
Useful everything
Lifehacker
Neat things
Neatorama
Mix of everything
Buzzfeed
Crazy and awesome things
Awesome
Sheer Funny-
Articles
Cracked
Den of Geek
Topless Robot
Geeks are sexy
Just enjoy
Happy Place
Shit my kids ruined
Lowgarden, for Game of Thrones Fans
Memos From Fury- Go Avengers!
ALL The cheezburger pages
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
on a funny note
I love x-men. I am specifically a Romy fan (rogue and gambit) but I associate with Rogue very much for multiple reasons. I just found a few good scans that had me cracking up online.
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Gambit and 'kinky bondage drinking games' I could not stop laughing for about 2 minutes |
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thinking thinking get out of my head
I cannot sleep, had a night like this yesterday, not fun when I have to be up at 6 am.
March 1st will be officially a year since my mom passed away. It still feels like it was yesterday. It's interesting how the human psyche deals with objects during given times. I remember learning this is psychology, certain events can trigger memory, or imprint to it. The problem is, ALS is a horrible disease, something I would never ever wish upon my most hated enemy. The fact my mom got it, was so unfair. How fast it happened, not fair either.
I've been on xanax since, I had it before but this was a whole new ballpark. I found myself drifting to dark places, memories of the hardest times, her being afraid, in pain, helpless. The thought of not wanting to give up but the body shutting down to where you have to have the medicine that keeps you from pain, and also keeps you asleep. Memories of hearing things, just too much to not mention on a public blog. When I have bad nights still, the xanax at least helps me sleep.
While its been a year, I keep noticing that there is so much I have associations with, simply from being a caregiver. It is interesting to analyze it, but also wondering how long it will take to break these habits and stigmas.
Screaming- I cannot stand to hear screaming anymore. Yelling is one thing, screaming another. Even if I'm upset and want to scream in anger or grief it almost seems like I get mentally violated, I just want to curl up into a ball and close my ears. I do not condemn the actions at all, I know I sure would have. It's just trying to cope with the noise and the memory it induces.
Baby monitor- while now hearing babies on it is one thing, it was our primary communication tool. Even when dropped to just listening to breathing patterns. My grandmother wanted to throw it outside, I wanted to hit it with the sledge but it ended up being dropped in the trash. I see a monitor and my instinct is to hush and listen. I know this will change as I would like children some day (gotta find a guy I like first).
Jello/pudding- one of the main foods she could manage to eat, have been unable to touch them unless out of a huge serving bowl for groups.
Chips and dip- mainly fritos. Same as above.
I ran to get some meds from the local Walgreens, and realized that as I was making the trip, how many times I had raced there and back home. Due to needing a new medication suddenly and rushing there as it was filled, feeling like I had to be fast enough. I do not associate the road or Walgreens with that usually, just found it odd I did today.
I know there are more things, I just cannot think of them now. The good thing is we are dealing with the hospice team again (just for checkups, not hospice) after the surgery of a family member. They are so wonderful, we don't have the same people who cared for mom, but wonderful people nonetheless.
I'm not quite sure why I am blogging this, perhaps to try to get some of this out of my head, to let go a little. I know healing will take place, I will be able to eat, drink, act without sparking memories. She's in a better place, away from suffering.
I love you mommy, I miss you.
March 1st will be officially a year since my mom passed away. It still feels like it was yesterday. It's interesting how the human psyche deals with objects during given times. I remember learning this is psychology, certain events can trigger memory, or imprint to it. The problem is, ALS is a horrible disease, something I would never ever wish upon my most hated enemy. The fact my mom got it, was so unfair. How fast it happened, not fair either.
I've been on xanax since, I had it before but this was a whole new ballpark. I found myself drifting to dark places, memories of the hardest times, her being afraid, in pain, helpless. The thought of not wanting to give up but the body shutting down to where you have to have the medicine that keeps you from pain, and also keeps you asleep. Memories of hearing things, just too much to not mention on a public blog. When I have bad nights still, the xanax at least helps me sleep.
While its been a year, I keep noticing that there is so much I have associations with, simply from being a caregiver. It is interesting to analyze it, but also wondering how long it will take to break these habits and stigmas.
Screaming- I cannot stand to hear screaming anymore. Yelling is one thing, screaming another. Even if I'm upset and want to scream in anger or grief it almost seems like I get mentally violated, I just want to curl up into a ball and close my ears. I do not condemn the actions at all, I know I sure would have. It's just trying to cope with the noise and the memory it induces.
Baby monitor- while now hearing babies on it is one thing, it was our primary communication tool. Even when dropped to just listening to breathing patterns. My grandmother wanted to throw it outside, I wanted to hit it with the sledge but it ended up being dropped in the trash. I see a monitor and my instinct is to hush and listen. I know this will change as I would like children some day (gotta find a guy I like first).
Jello/pudding- one of the main foods she could manage to eat, have been unable to touch them unless out of a huge serving bowl for groups.
Chips and dip- mainly fritos. Same as above.
I ran to get some meds from the local Walgreens, and realized that as I was making the trip, how many times I had raced there and back home. Due to needing a new medication suddenly and rushing there as it was filled, feeling like I had to be fast enough. I do not associate the road or Walgreens with that usually, just found it odd I did today.
I know there are more things, I just cannot think of them now. The good thing is we are dealing with the hospice team again (just for checkups, not hospice) after the surgery of a family member. They are so wonderful, we don't have the same people who cared for mom, but wonderful people nonetheless.
I'm not quite sure why I am blogging this, perhaps to try to get some of this out of my head, to let go a little. I know healing will take place, I will be able to eat, drink, act without sparking memories. She's in a better place, away from suffering.
I love you mommy, I miss you.
Monday, November 26, 2012
blah
So I made a free match.com account. also checked out chemistry.com
I hate it. I really do. I flip through people, and just feel not interested, and broken, and anxious, and hurt. My intuition keeps flashing WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG at me.
I don't know to keep trying or just give up for awhile. ugh, I need to figured out where the hell I put my taro deck...
I hate it. I really do. I flip through people, and just feel not interested, and broken, and anxious, and hurt. My intuition keeps flashing WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG at me.
I don't know to keep trying or just give up for awhile. ugh, I need to figured out where the hell I put my taro deck...
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Samhain Never Lies
Samhain readings never lie, sadly. Too much to put into words, so I wont even try. What happens will happen, what will be will be, what was mean to happen is, what is meant to happen will. But I will always be here if you need me, and I'll always love you.
I hate trying to move on. Why do things have to hurt so much? I'm so tired of hurting. I just want to be happy again.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Walk to Defeat ALS®: Richmond Walk
Walk to Defeat ALS®: Richmond Walk
In memory of my mom and this horrible disease, and the others who face it, I am getting up and doing something about it. It may not be much, but I am walking. I am not a scientist and cannot work on a cure, but I can do something to help raise money. I am trying to raise $1000 and currently have $75. If anyone would like to donate, even if just $1 it would mean a great deal to me. Or even just pass this link onto friends and family. This is a disease like many others no one should have to live with. This means a lot to me, even thinking about this walk makes me hold back tears. I've got some people planning to walk with me too which is nice. Thank you to everyone for the support!
In memory of my mom and this horrible disease, and the others who face it, I am getting up and doing something about it. It may not be much, but I am walking. I am not a scientist and cannot work on a cure, but I can do something to help raise money. I am trying to raise $1000 and currently have $75. If anyone would like to donate, even if just $1 it would mean a great deal to me. Or even just pass this link onto friends and family. This is a disease like many others no one should have to live with. This means a lot to me, even thinking about this walk makes me hold back tears. I've got some people planning to walk with me too which is nice. Thank you to everyone for the support!
Monday, October 1, 2012
life moves on, my summer...questionable
Well I've been away for awhile. A lot has been going on. Mostly bad things. I don't feel like posting any of them. But yeah, the past 6 months have been very, very hard.
so, its October, yea!!!!! I'm still poor. Currently I am working a part time job I hate, but I at least have thus part time job which is super important and I am very thankful. But due to bills, my money is gone as soon as I get it. I've been hunting for jobs, and applying, and have had a few interviews, but mostly get there 'we're not interested'. Its hard, having hurt my back and about to go mental from customers I am desperate to get out of retail. But I don't want to drive or sell things either. So its hard. Even if I got another part time retail job, I want something as a career. My degree is just not doing what I had intended with the economy the way it is.
I really want things to change. This month needs to be amazing. There are several family b-days and I've got a few things I would like to get or do.
Off to relax, working on coin rings to sell as well! :D
so, its October, yea!!!!! I'm still poor. Currently I am working a part time job I hate, but I at least have thus part time job which is super important and I am very thankful. But due to bills, my money is gone as soon as I get it. I've been hunting for jobs, and applying, and have had a few interviews, but mostly get there 'we're not interested'. Its hard, having hurt my back and about to go mental from customers I am desperate to get out of retail. But I don't want to drive or sell things either. So its hard. Even if I got another part time retail job, I want something as a career. My degree is just not doing what I had intended with the economy the way it is.
I really want things to change. This month needs to be amazing. There are several family b-days and I've got a few things I would like to get or do.
Off to relax, working on coin rings to sell as well! :D
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